She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
