hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
