My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
