i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
