i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
