I wish I could punch you in the face.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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