So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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