so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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