Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
no you cant smoke seaweed
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
