why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
