Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Randomize
