I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
