RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
