he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Rumble strips road head = magical
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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