This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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