Do you still have your period?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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