why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
