I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
