you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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