I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you traded sex for a burrito?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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