I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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