Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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