I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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