Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
3pm strippers are depressing
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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