dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
