i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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