He asked me if I "almost moaned"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
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