I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
