Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
