...so i touched it.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
