you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
