apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
