Banned from zoo.
Again?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
