i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
