I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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