She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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