Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Couch. On fire.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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