That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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