I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
