Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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