I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
