No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
