Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
