im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
