That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
