Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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