her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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