You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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