just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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