This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
