you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
