So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
